I have a bit of a fear with my journey in home/un schooling the girls, my focus....or lack there of. I've always claimed myself as the Queen of Procrastination, like right now, I should be working but instead, I'm blogging lol. I have a lot that I do in my life, being active in the Pagan community through various groups, getting my store off the ground and the different festivals we plan to have a booth at for the store, workshops, and soon online teaching. That doesn't include all the other things that aren't mentioned here. I love EVERYTHING I do, please understand, and my plate isn't to full considering everything I do is what I want to do, however, my focus is lacking in some areas, the "paying" job is one of them.
I work from home, (don't ask what I do, it won't be mentioned here due to it's odd nature) and it's a regular paying job, commission based, however, I've done it over 4 years, and I'm management, so, honestly, I do rather well. Also, let me mention, I LOVE my job, I do, I LOVE it! It's fun, exciting, it's different, and it pays well, so, why can I not focus on it to get the money I need to be able to do all the above things that I'm trying to develop so I can get paid for them instead?
I spout to the girls all the time, work before leisure, responsibilities MUST be taken care of in order to have your personal time and be able to enjoy it. I hate to say it, but it takes money to be able to live comfortably and to make money you must work. What kind of parent am I to bash this into my children's brains and then turn around and neglect the one job I have that pays me well and consistently? I don't want to be one of those parents to have the phrase of "Do as I say not as I do" attached to them. However, I have such an issue with trying to direct my focus on the things that help me pay for my things that I want to develop into a life long and dependable career. It's hard, and I don't have an answer, at least, not an answer that will solve this issue without doing something that I should be doing anyway, which is MAKE it my focus.
That's the downfall with being a Spiritual adviser, I know what I need to do to make this work. I know the answers I would give someone who came to me with the same issues, but, doing it myself, well, that's the hard part. Yes, meditation, focal gazing, even burning incense only directed towards my job. So many things I can do, but getting me to do them is hard. So, I worry, will my children see this and follow in my footsteps and grow into the Queen of Procrastination, or will they see how I struggle day to day and say, I refuse to be that way and I will take a stand and keep my eye on the ball.
I don't know, but, what I do know is, I may struggle with this issue, but I will win over this issue. I will find a way to combate my flaw and work to bring that balance I so love into my life on this issue. I refuse to just post on here, "I have no focus", and not work to grab what I need to gain focus.
(I feel like playing "I Will Survive" now...go figure)