Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Recently I've have not only worked with someone on forgiveness, but my advice was put to the test. Being a Pagan counselor not only do you help others work on their issues, but you find a lot of times that the advice you give usually gets tested not long after you've given that advice.

Funny how that works huh?

Why should we forgive? I hear that question asked more then you would think. There are many reason why we should forgive, but, my question is, why SHOULDN'T we forgive? Not forgiving allows you to hold on to what hurt you, it gives you that permission to hold in that anger or pain. People can get stingy with their emotions, they hold them in, let them sit, fester, and sooner or later, it becomes a part of them. It's easy to hold on to something, you just grab it, and not let go. You can even get caught in the monkey trap with things you hold on to. Forgiveness, TRUE forgiveness allows you to let go, and letting go can be very scary. Think about it, you have held on to something for so long, it's become a part of you, you know that feeling, that emotion. You've adjusted yourself accordingly to how you would react when put in a smiler position, even rehearsed what you would do when confronting the person that hurt you. You've done a lot of work accepting that pain, rejection, hurt, or emotional scare, and that's a lot of time put into it, and you are now comfortable with it all. When you forgive though, all that work you've put into your pain goes to waste. True forgiveness not only makes your work of accepting your pain null and void, it takes that whole emotion away, leaving almost an empty spot inside you.

Forgiveness also has no boundaries all though, some forgiveness is much harder to give then others. It is much easier to forgive someone who talked about you behind your back then to forgive the murder of your family. could you give forgiveness to someone who took your family away from you? I personally can not answer yes or no on that. To even think of it hurts so deeply it takes my breath away. Would I hold in that anger so deeply and tightly it bring me to vengeance? I don't know the answer to that as I'm sure you probably don't know the answer to that for yourself. The fact of the matter is, NOT giving the forgiveness, no matter what the reason, works the same way for everything.

As I was brought to face my demons, and was asked for the forgiveness, I struggled with ever possiable reason of why I should, and why I shouldn't. I got a lot of reasoning on why I shouldn't give what was asked for...I was hurt, I was betrayed, it's been so long why now, my life was emotionally scared, my good name ruined, is this person really meaning what they say, how do I know or how can I trust them....so many many reasons why I shouldn't.

Only 1 reason came to mind that I should.....because it's the right thing to do

I strive to be a good person, to be an open and spiritual person. No, I'm not blind to the world, on the contrary, I know a lot more about the evils of the world then I can to admit. I know the cruelty of humans, how they can ask for forgiveness, then turn around and do it again, just for giggles sometimes. I was asked for my forgiveness, a gift to give the person, a person who had deeply hurt me so many years ago. They asked for my special and original gift. I gave it, freely, openly, and with my whole heart and soul. Does that make me the better person, I don't think so. Does that make me someone who is opening them selves up to more pain? I said I gave forgiveness, I didn't say I completely forgot the reason for the forgiveness. I will say however, once I decided to give my special gift of forgiveness, I felt a difference in my personal core. I felt empty at first, a little firghtened, rather lost on where to go, and then, I understood that I have not only freed that peson of their guilt, but I have freed myself of that burdening pain.

I released myself from my monkey trap


  1. Good points! Forgiveness is really not for the one being forgiven, but for the one doing the forgiving.

  2. I like this!
    We all at one time or another find ourselves on either side of this kind of situation. To ask for forgiveness from someone we have hurt or wronged is not easy. To give forgiveness to someone who has hurt or wronged us, can oftentimes be even more difficult.
    And I do aggre that forgivness does not equal forgetting. Its important to remember, and move on.


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