Monday, July 3, 2017

Why Do We Take Sh*t from People?

Author: Adagio_Art
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I ask myself that all the time because it happens to all of us. Even I find myself at times just taking people's negativity towards me, degrading me, doing everything they can to build themselves up while bringing me down, and I just "laugh it off" Then, later, I lay in bed and wonder, "Why did I allow for that?"

Let me back up a bit because I want to be very clear on what I mean by taking shit from people. When you feel, in your heart of hearts, that what was said to you what negative, then, yes, it was negative. Sometimes, the ones who say it don't mean it that way, or, they don't know it was hurtful, but it was to you. That's what matters, how it felt to YOU.

Now, why do we take it?

There are many reasons, job, friendship, relationship, security, family, the list goes on. Myself, I cover all those reasons and more, and I'm sure most of you do too. Listen though, you don't have to take it for any reason. You're not a toilet, you're not an out-house, you're not a hole dug into the ground, you're a person. A person with amazing traits, gifts, laughter, and all sorts. When you allow people into your crazy world, they need to follow your rules. Now, that goes both ways, you need to follow their rules too. That's the only way to achieve balance in a relationship with anyone.

Now, laying down your rules, that takes time. That takes you being clear and understanding of yourself so you can be clear to those around you.  I've made mistakes many times about not being clear about my rules, and when I finally get fed up, I loose it, and in turn, it gets me into a lot of trouble. For example, I never laid down my rules with my boss, and I ended up losing it, in turn, I'm now suspended. Yup, I get myself into trouble, and I'm sure you've had a similar experience.

What does work best in laying down your rules is being aware, and calmly, when something is done or said that bothers you, be honest. Tell them why it bothers you, why it hurts, Don't yell, fight, scream, just be clear.

You: I so love my new shoes!! They are awesome!
Friend: Yes, but, they make your feet look fatter than they already are. You might want to rethink those
You: "silence, breath"
You: No, don't say things like that to me. If you don't like them, that's fine, but you don't need to degrade me for it.

Now, don't feed into it, just say your peace, and let it go. Maybe walk away, or, just move on to another conversation, and show off those FABULOUS shoes!!

I never said it would be easy, and I never said people would respect why you're hurt. If they don't listen to you, respect it, or want to carry on a civilized conversation with you about it, then you don't need them. Move on.

As I said though, this also goes to you as well. Are you the one giving others shit? Do you downgrade others to make yourself feel better? Also, if someone takes my advice, comes to you, and calmly tells you how they feel about something you're doing, would you be willing to accept their words, look within yourself, and try to understand how they feel?

Balance goes both ways

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